I have been dealing with anxiety for a long time now. Anxiety is one of those disorders that’s no fun to have. You are always wondering and worrying, and it is like there is no escape. No matter what you do, those thoughts are still there. The first anxiety attack I remember was when I was 8 years old. My parents divorced when I was real young, and we were bounced back and forth from one parent to the other. We hated going with our dad and when the time came, I would get sick to my stomach. We are talking about throwing up sick, in the bathroom with the runs sick…
I learned to deal with my anxiety as I got older, I would try to block out things that put me into my attacks. My attacks started getting really bad after I became a stay at home mom.
I then decided to rejoin the work force, and this is when my anxiety took a turn for the worse. I would go to work, and I would get physically sick. I would feel as though I was about to pass out, one time I almost did. I would have those hot and cold flashes, and I would become extremely dizzy. These attacks lasted about 10 minutes, and I could proceed with what I was doing.
When I would go to the doctor I was told it was all in my head and I had to learn to deal with it… How do you actually learn to deal with it? I was grateful after we came back to Michigan. I found a real good doctor, which I will miss a ton once we leave. She knew right away on my first visit something was not right with me. She kepts me coming back every other week, until I finally broke.
I was labeled with a social phobia, if you look it up online, it is everything that happens to me when I am out in public. It in pretty mild when I have others with me, but it is still there. She also noticed how depressed I was. I will go through these depressant stages where I don’t want to even get out of bed. I have to force myself.
Since I have been taking my meds, my attacks do not happen as much. I still have several a day, and when it comes bedtime I cannot sleep. It is now after midnight and here I am, blogging about anxiety.
I would love to be normal for just one day, a day where I was happy and not depressed, a day where my heart didn’t race, and I didn’t feel sick to my stomach. As I sit here, my heart is pounding and I feel as if I was punched in the stomach. Anxiety sucks!!!